1. If we’re in a bad mood, it’s not okay to assume that we must be on our periods
Unless you have a death wish, that is.
2. That said, if it is that time of the month, please be gentle with us
Just don’t act the maggot.
3. We know cuddling isn’t always pleasant for you, but we do sincerely appreciate you humouring us
Don’t pretend you don’t secretly enjoy it, though.
4. Farts are only occasionally funny
We mean occasionally.
And no, the old “fart-and-put-your-head-under-the-blanket” gag does not fall into that category.
Cease and desist immediately.
5. Seriously, put the toilet seat down
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Have you ever tried sitting on a toilet when the seat is up? It’s a life-or-death situation. We don’t want to sound like your Mam about this, but just put the toilet seat down when you’re done and we’ll avoid any accidents.
On a similar note — if you insist on leaving down, please make sure you wipe the toilet seat when you’re done. You know what we’re talking about.
6. Sorry, but shouting at the TV about sports or games will always be amusing to us
We’re not trying to be insensitive – we swear! – but there’s just something innately funny about grown men shouting at referees.
Sorry.
7. You’d be amazed at how far a simple text can go
Seriously, sending a text to ask how we’re getting on or even a silly joke will never go unappreciated.
8. Yes, we know the reality television we watch is shite and, no, we don’t appreciate your judginess
Look, Made in Chelsea is our guilty pleasure and we don’t expect you to understand it.
Just leave us watch it in peace.
9. We don’t care if you’re bad at dancing — refusing to dance is absolute minus craic
As Hector would say, “Let yourself gooooooo!”
10. Keep the compliments coming even if we refuse to take them
“You smell nice.”
“Oh my God, are you joking, I actually smell like a bin.”
Yes, we may be biologically incapable of accepting a compliment, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep ‘em coming.
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